Some call it baby blues,
some postpartum depression,
for me, it was losing myself to a different someone
Someone who was invisible
immeasurable
insolent
unreproved
Someone who had taken over
my emotions, feelings, rendering me abused
There were days I felt exactly like I was “supposed” to
joyful, thankful and loved
But very often also paid a visit
were feelings of hollowness
numbness and being gloved
Then there were days of
sheer doubt, pain and tears
when I would cry and yell
succumbing to indeterminate fears
I had lost myself
my smile
the love and passion for life
It was scary being someone I didn’t fathom, comprehend or relied
*
So I hid
behind the walls of disguise
behind the sprawl of “I am fine”
Lie that all’s well
I said repeatedly to others and self
Lies that I was too busy
only to be sitting anchorless, wanting to set free
Lies that all will be OK
only not knowing what was wrong
who to ask and where to start
Lies that I was blessed
holding my bundle of joy
but deep down regretting the new me
seeing only plethora of flaws
*
I don’t know when I broke free
or if at all I did
don’t know if I recovered, healed
or grew to accept
But I do remember acknowledging this invisible illness,
I do remember stopping to disguise my own weakness
I do remember this pivot in the right direction
I do remember breaking mirrors of perfection
For that, I am a hero, superwoman in my own right
for that, I am a warrior, sometimes, even now, fighting battles and wars, out of plain sight.
Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels
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Inspired by Indie Blu(e) Publishing’s submission request on topic of invisible illnesses. https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/130149259/posts/12938
As women, we are made to believe that everything about being a mother is magical. While true in lot of regards, like everything else in life, there are many not so easy adjustments and changes too. Triggered by many such physical and emotional factors, a lot of women, some more than others, experience whats commonly called baby blues and postpartum depression.
Without passing medical remarks, being one and having spoken to a lot of women in such shoes, the first and biggest struggle I feel is acknowledgement. Many of us due to stigma created by society and our own selves, don’t even want to acknowledge this illness, forget about seeking help.
To such mothers, I say, you are strongest when you embrace your weakness.
I like your ending. The beginning was a bit depressing then you brought hope at the end. What a great transition. You are a warrior!
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Thanks for reading and commenting! Sincerely appreciate it.
I felt this is a topic which’s rarely talked about but influences many women and so needs to be talked about.
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Yes, I agree the topic is rarely discussed. Perhaps, many women feel guilty about post-partum depression. They do not want to talk about it. How do I tell people that I do not feel okay despite birthing something so precious??! Some people would make one feel like an ingrate for daring to feel broken, hopeless, and unhappy after having a baby. It is somewhat complicated across cultures.
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You are absolutely right. It’s a stigma created by others and I dare say by us own ourselves.
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It is sadly so. Have a blessed year! 🙂
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By our own selves*. But it’s paramount to talk about it and seek help when and where necessary for those same beautiful lives we bring to the world.
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True. The solutions you proffer are perfect. I read an article about a mother who had to temporarily give up care of her child to a neighbor just to seek help. I thought that was a beautiful thing to do. Getting help instead of suppressing feelings of depression is good for the well being of both mother and child.
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I am sure it must have taken a lot of courage. We are strongest when we accept our weaknesses. Thank you Temi for sharing!
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My pleasure.
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The battle, every new mom and woman goes through on an ongoing basis, the battlefields change, the warriors change, we remaining constant.
Very well brought out Pallavi 👍
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Thank you Deepika. You are absolutely right, while the battles change, they continue. By talking about this topic, we aren’t discounting the gratitude and happiness we feel being moms at all and that’s something I wanted to point out too. ❤️
Hope you are doing well! A very happy new year.
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Agree totally 👍💞
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Amazing piece, Pallavi, very touching topic. Very rarely people are ready to discuss this side of the whole motherly experience, there’s a lot of stigma attached to it. Our society expect mothers to be nothing but grateful for it and maybe it’s a special experience but it is extremely difficult as well both mentally and physically.
You are truly a warrior 👍👍❤️❤️
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Bulbul I am amazed at your maturity. You are right, like most of mental illnesses, this is a topic frequently shoved under the rug. Through this piece in my own small way, i wanted to speak to and for all such mothers. ❤️
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Thanks 😊 This was really amazing and a commendable effort to make people understand and make them aware. I loved it.
Keep rocking, Pallavi ❤️❤️
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This was so powerful!! Thank you so much for sharing!!!
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Thank YOU for reading! 🙏
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i love this, it’s moving, i just wrote and posted a small piece on depression an hour ago so this found me in a very good place to appreciate it, and you wrote it so well.
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Thank you so much! I got to check out your piece now.
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Loved this.! Was a very poetic reflection of the raw truth of post partum depression. Thanks for bringing light to this !
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